I have had a positive relationship with my body for a long time. I remember my childhood being marred by bullying, so as an adult, I have focused on fostering a positive bond with my body and mind.
This time of year is a strange one, the loss of the warmth the festive period provided, giving way to the bleaker months weather-wise. The ever-present January resolutions, try to keep us in check, reminding us that we should be working on our health, and realistically our size.
There is no escaping that I am a bigger person, my size has always been in the plus sizes and has fluctuated over the last ten years, but overall has stayed the same.
Recently I have noticed my body has changed, I’ve gained some weight, and clothes feel different on my body. Skirts are more fitted, trousers snugger, and dresses hang slightly differently. I noticed that feeling positive about my body - a default position I've had for years - suddenly felt challenged.
For the first time in a long time, my size feels like a threat, instead of something neutral.
I’m a very lucky person, I have a very full wardrobe, with clothes I have owned for years. As a result, some pieces are left to slumber for months at a time due to needs. This pause provided me with an opportunity in real-time to see that my body had changed.
The co-ord set I am wearing today, felt different when I tried it on, it felt tighter. My instinct was to feel bad about it, so I put it up for sale on Vinted. The offers came in, and I realised that I wasn’t ready to part with it. I tried it on again, and it does fit differently. The skirt sits in a different place, and as a result, is shorter than I remember. The jacket oddly feels like a better fit when the skirt is higher on my waist.
I had to spend time realising that being different is not a bad thing. That my body had changed just meant that I adapted how I wore the item, I didn’t need to change, I just changed the way the outfit looked.
To repeat, your body changing is not a bad thing, and it doesn’t have to change your relationship with yourself. This is something we need to remember all the time, but feels especially pertinent at this time of year.
Change is not a bad thing.
Change does not mean we are unhealthy.
For bigger or smaller - a body is a neutral thing.
I am still Ben, and for that, I am incredibly grateful.
It is not a simple thing, life is anything but simple. But we can all make more effort in offering ourselves kindness when things change because change is not bad a thing.
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