If you have been here long enough, you will know that clothes mean a lot to me. The act of emancipation that dressing has offered me is immense. This, however, doesn't happen every minute of every day.
Part of the trans experience is the discomfort we feel, this can be called dysphoria. I don’t know what I label it in myself, but an example of its occurrence comes to me in the in-between days. I can feel uncomfortable in ‘feminine’ clothing when I don’t feel I look 'feminine' enough - when I haven’t shaved or have no makeup on. I have a full work schedule, so most days, I will rise and head straight to work.
It can feel wrong somehow, embarrassing, and uncomfortable when I look through my wardrobe(s) of clothing that somehow whisper back to me the fraudulent nature of my own identity as I get dressed.
This of course all sits within my own head, the clothes are after all inanimate. They cannot make me feel bad. The pressure I am feeling is perhaps societal, and perhaps discomfort from within myself. I stopped wearing trousers, because I felt they were too traditionally masculine. Which in retrospect is one of many foolish examples of self limitation.
The silliness of it all is that my gender identity is self-defined, non-binary is not just a label, it is a descriptor. The very nature of it is that it is not contained, it is about being self-defined, in my power to describe myself as I find myself.
I offer this conversation on self-limitation, not just as an exercise of self-discovery, but also as a reminder to you, that we all impose limitations, or make ourselves uncomfortable. We are in charge, the ones who can give ourselves a break not just when we need it, but all the time. There is so much pressure in our lives, perhaps we ought to remove some of it where we can.
From my perspective, the clothes, makeup, and whatever else I may adorn myself in, don’t define who I am and thus don’t restrict me. Instead, it compliments who I am, adds depth to my personality, and can be a flourish on top of who I already am.
I love how I feel and look in these images, but as I sit here and write this without a scrap of makeup in a faded Blondie tee, and shorts, I feel just as connected to myself.
You can be whoever you are, however, you look, and that can change. Don’t limit yourself, society already does enough of that, instead have no dressing a-gender, and be free.
Comentários