Have you ever heard the phrase that grief doesn’t shrink, and instead you grow around it?
I think about that thought a lot, especially when I think about my identity. My transness day to day isn’t that important, but it’s also in everything I do.
One of the tougher aspects of being trans is perhaps how other people view you. The perception of trans people is at an all-time low, which is soul destroying. Being trans in public can be hard. But things are usually much smaller day to day, and can be less impactful unless they build up.
Things like;
Dealing with incorrect pronouns
Being mistaken for another gender
The staring
The double takes
The visible discomfort
I was talking about this attention, in the support group I co-run with the divine Ki Griffin. I explained that I don’t pay it much mind these days. I am more surprised when this attention isn’t happening.
I’ve gotten so used to the way people react to me, that at this point it barely registers. I don’t think it has gotten any less impactful, I think it bothers me, but I spend less time focusing on it.
Like a form of grief, I have grown around the way people react to me in public. I carry it around with me, but it is far less of a burden than it used to be. When people say things get better, I’m not sure when it comes to being trans that’s quite right. It becomes a less fatiguing part of life when you realise it changes nothing about you.
Don’t get me wrong transphobic attention is awful, and we shouldn’t have to deal with it. Yet, the way others react to me doesn’t change the way I react to myself. A double take in the supermarket whilst I’m buying sardines doesn’t change my feelings about myself at that moment. Other people's negativity doesn’t have to affect your perception of yourself - good or bad - so transphobia is something we can grow around.
We can grow around transphobia. It doesn’t get easier, it just gets to be a smaller burden.
Comentários