I’m always late.
I very nearly missed a dentist appointment yesterday. Between waking up at 7.30, and leaving at 9.50 I had 2hrs 20, and yet somehow I managed to fritter away time.
Lateness is a theme that has been consistent in my life;
Late starter
Late riser
Late to appointments
Late with deadlines
I have always felt like I am running behind.
I have never missed a deadline. I have missed and rearranged one (1) appointment this year (and that was due to snow). I do wake up later than some, but I also am awake later (thanks to anxiety). I felt like I wasn’t ready at 18 to go to university, so pushed it until I was ready at 21, but have ended up doing far more with my skills than some do.
So I know that lateness isn’t actually a character flaw. Yes I am always half an hour later than I thought when it comes to soft plans, and that is usually get distracted - otherwise, I am on time. I really beat myself up for the lateness I feel throughout myself. I have shared this with you before online, and as always your engagement has provided me with new perspectives that have helped.
The wonderful Suzy Reading who has written serval books said this to me “We’re raised in a culture that has us constantly debating our worth as human beings. Consumerism, capitalism, gender conditioning, toxic resilience and gratitude, it is so hard to human in these conditions.” this provided me with a thought process that I think you would benefit from; give yourself some grace.
Suzy explains this better than I ever could - the world is foul, and in many ways inhumane. Our job is not to compete with ourselves, or others. Instead, our job is to offer compassion and kindness back to ourselves because the world and control systems are not doing this. So in moments you feel behind, late, guilty - whatever emotion you feel - offer yourself kindness and compassion.
You’re going at the right speed - because it is your own speed. You’re not late, you are perfect as you are!
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