Punishment

I am sitting in a coffee shop - working. I go on holiday in two days. In order to feel like I deserve a holiday I have done an enormous amount of preparation. 

To give you some insight, I am writing this last post of November, at the start of September. To deserve a week or so off, I have made sure that I have prepped two months of content, ensuring that all admin is done, I have pushed myself to style early winter content in the blazing sun, written, written, and written some more. Projects that happen behind the scenes have also been supercharged and pushed, a tight deadline of a holiday forcing me to get as much done as I can. 

I work for myself - so I am only answerable to myself. I have full rein over my schedule, and as such I have been a pretty strict boss for the last six or so weeks. I’ve worked through my lunch, not stopped for breakfast, in general, I have prioritised work over rest. 

So I really feel like I need a holiday. 

I mentioned to my partner how much I had prepped, so I would be deserving of the holiday. He said very plainly, a holiday is not earned, I don’t have to punish myself. 

Am I punishing myself?

I hadn’t realised that I was. I thought everyone did as much as they could prior to a holiday - that’s normal, right?

Apparently not!

In many ways I don’t think about the ways I am not an ally to myself, I always assume I do a good job. Having a mirror held up to our behaviour can be an uncomfortable experience, but it is a good thing to do, as it shows us things we can change to improve our comfort levels. 

I can’t take back how I treated myself, but it is a lesson for me in the future (and as always you too should you want a reminder of how to treat yourself) of how to approach a holiday. It will also provide me with kindness when I return from my holiday so that I don’t have to rush back to work - because for the next few months, it's all done!

I always write for myself - but also for you - in our current climate, remembering to be kind to ourselves is so important - so please make sure that you are not punishing yourself!