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Oh hello, darling! Welcome to May on benpechey.com. This month, the focus will be on self-reflection. Conversations that explore parts of myself, that perhaps you may be having too. These are the conversations that if we heard from other people, would make us feel more valid and powerful. Today I would love to explore secrets with you.
I have never really been a secretive person. I have always struggled to keep things to myself. If there is good or bad news - it will always burst from my mouth within seconds. I am also unable to hide how I feel, as my expressive nature betrays how I feel without having to say a word. So I beg of you, never ask me for an honest opinion if you are not ready for the answer!
Up until recently, I had always assumed that this was a marker of success as a truthful person. However, as we entered turbulent times thanks to Covid, and connections with friends and family were all I had - I realised that there was very little that I had just for me.
I had always assumed that secrecy was on the same level as dishonesty. Upon reflection, secrets are the antithesis of dishonesty. On a very personal level, they are pure honesty. Our worlds have become very jumbled, and our business is rarely just our own these days. Perhaps in this very open social dynamic, having secrets is a way to protect our pure energy of self?
It feels radical to sit here and write that secrets are an act of self-preservation. Yet there is something so magical about something only you know. As I sat and wrote this, I realised that I had bought a pair of VERY expensive shoes, and had told no one, only myself and my discreet postman knew this fact. My spending has always been open to ridicule within the relationships I have.
Knowing I had spent my hard-earned money on something just for me felt thrilling, decadent - and because of the secret nature of it, deeply personal too. It is also important to note, that I don't buy things to impress, I buy them to bring pleasure into my life!
I have changed my view on secrets. This is perhaps because I have changed my view of myself. As an extension of this, I have also altered the expectations I have of myself. I still treasure the honest and open relationships I have. However, I am also really cherishing holding space just for myself.
This reflection may help you see the importance of honouring your desires and pleasure. Just remember secrets are never bad things when kept to oneself!
Thank you for joining me today my darlings. As always, I love you lots like jelly tots, until next time, uh buh bye.
Shot by Ruth Pechey
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